He who dies with most the toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

POETRY

You may find my poems

Final Score

Division one

Gentleness beckons
existential filth for

Her filth
Her gentleness
Postponed

Gentleness unknown
Filth unknown

Quiet gentleness when
Her quiet filth seeps in

Rocking gentleness seeks
To and fro filth

Sky blue gentle fill
Glaring pink filth on top

Abject gentleness
Abject filth

Lazy coiling gentleness
Stinking Sunday filth witheld
(Check coupon for details)

Passive aggresion
versus
I love you
Late kick off

Unfailing gentleness
Unfailing filth

Rire Plus





Common as muck she sparkled

In the back of a green transit van

Breathless as i tunes was shuffling

From Morrisey through to Chopin



Knocked up in that lay-by by Streatham

Named her baby Sweet Charity Hope

Then busked for two years down in Newquay

Reading tarot and selling some dope



Now she lives on a barge by Devizes

She's christened it Live Your Life More

But weeps whilst her cancer advances

Charity stares through the crack of the door

Hide and Seek




I shit

I hide when I shit

When I shit

My shutters are shut

When I shit

My shitter is open

Cry




I would

If I thought

It would do any good

If I thought

I'd be any good

Or look any good

If I thought

My face being wet

May in some way

Improve my day

Forget

My eyes being red

My nose being thick

May in some way

Do the trick

Soft Boiled Eggs




The soft boiled eggs

I ate in childhood

Their felt tipped smiles

Promising alchemy

Line up now

Roll called

Stern faced

Carrying hatchets

Day Return




Shall I take a day return

To a cupboard in school

Safe at the back

Of the history block

With some moths

With some maps

And those mops

Call Girl




I could just call a call girl

Call her Juliet or Mary

I could sit and do the crossword

She could cook a Coq au vin



She could drive me to the airport

Wave her hanky on some jetty

A white flicker on the shoreline

Seagulls tangled in her hair

The South Shields Arthur Lowe




My brother's gone to battle

With the bloke who lives next door

He plans from his conservatory

He's read The Art of War



A Field Marshall in the making

He's an arsenal in his shed

Bought from B and Q and Homebase

He's that one step ahead



He's got super trooper spotlights

Which he's had passed by the planners

And twelve foot panelled fencing

His wife's a bag of spanners



He's got noisy windmill mobiles

They whirr and whine throughout the night

A Green Mountain Sugar Maple

Blocking out his neighbour's light



He cuts the lawn whilst naked

With his petrol powered mower

Has bonfires in the daytime

He's a Rambo Percy Thrower



It's a suburban moral minefield

The darkest Michael Bentine show

His tank's a people carrier

He's The South Shields Arthur Lowe



It's not like he's a moron

His head's a hothouse of ideas

He's on Operation Beehive

This may well go on for years

Inheritance




My father was magnanimous

So left me in his will

With good prostate cancer prospects

And a Black and Decker drill

Stanivlasky Meets Matalan




Community theatre is a farce

Led by the educated class

Who gull the aimless disengaged

Then set them up upon some stage

Oblivious of Bertholt Brecht

Whose needs are really being met

Sunday Tandem Love




Sweet couples

Riding tandems

Make no sense to me

Flaunting their togetherness

It's co-dependency



Their pedalling in unison

Makes them a tour de force

But Sunday tandem love to me's

Just heading for divorce

The Ghost in My Pig Sty




I thank you

For your quiet screams

I scarcely hear you



For your rare and gentle

Furtive flitting

Room to room



I have no need to lie wide eyed

Await awake

In fear the dark



The cracking on my door

Your stick

Is gone



So why still

Hover in the hall

Bouquet in hand



Localised

Somehow solemn

Maybe sitting on the tiles

Taxi Driver




Silent in the car

Ferrying me

Silent at the lights

From A to B



Silent in your car

Ferrying me

Silent in your lights

From A to B

Druids




Druids

You get on my tits

With your standing stones

Your sacred bones

Pendragon clones

Daft dream catchers

Hairy thatches

Animistic

Polytheistic allegories

Penchant for cloaks

And ancient oaks

Doing your rounds

On your burial mounds

Are you having a laugh

With your willow staff

Your Herbal teas and remedies

Celtic crosses

Fucking tossers

Ashes To Ashes




We could drive a bus

Through a Pinter pause

If we ever felt the need

You could sit there

Calmly counting

One

Two

Three

Death of a Salesman




Woolworth's six foot under

Black headscarves sift through town

Where will we buy our hula hoops

Or should we just stand still

Nearly Dead




Wet with sweat

My duvet stinks

Torn Lemsip sachets scattered

My bones all ache

My nostrils flake

My eyebrows are all matted

Dying




Being dead's dead easy

It's dying that's the drag

Death's a good night out I'd say

Though dying's not my bag

Ode to a Horse's Rump




Is it wrong to feel

A subtle twitch

A dirty itch

A raising brow

A stealing glance

A stirring in one's underpants

For fiery folds

Which have led

The horse to be a thoroughbred

Dead Friends





I've been asked around for dinner

To a party flung by ghosts

I murdered them some time ago

They're such neurotic hosts

Batty's Dead




Nora Batty's popped her clogs

The Yorkshire battle axe

On for nigh on forty years

Now she can relax

Edinburgh is Lesbos




Best friends hold hands

They both declared

On their weekend away

We know each other inside out

Don't dare suggest we're gay

Telephone




Should I phone you

When you're dead

To find out what's in your head

Corner Bar





Who the hell is that

Holding up the traffic

Looking at the pictures

In last years Geographic

Bruce Cockburn; Kings' School Tynemouth 1985 (For Mark Fox)




Bruce straddled on the school desk

His crotch in Fox's face

Before the Act of 89

All kinds of things took place



You're saying this

(Two fingers wagging)

Sir I'm not

(Kegs filling)



Yes I am

(He change his mind)

Bypassing

Further grilling

The Wall is Hard




Martin fell whilst pointing

Face full into the wall

Wiser for his accident

Thought to advise us all

The Tufty Club




Someone's just been splattered

On the road outside

I cannot even leave the house

Police are everywhere



My car's part of the incident

There's 'matter' on the door

It was an older lady

I threw up when I saw

Pit




Let's be mindful of our pit

Let's not walk straight into it

High Shelves




It's starting to get in the way

Staring back and bawling

I wonder why it changes shape

And if it's me it's calling



I never offer sympathy

This only fuels its rage

I cannot throw the thing away

I'll entertain a cage



Uncertain of its growing rate

Its temperament

Its health

I think it's best

To pick it up and place it on a shelf



I'll wrap it in crepe paper

I'll bind it with with brown string

I'll watch it pulse there silently

I'll open it come Spring

Dishes




Pile of dishes

Sitting

With your bad wishes

Knowing about

Me and the Mrs

Thanks

For fuck all

I'll come nowhere near

Your filth and grime

You don't deserve my time

I have more important things

To do

Dishes

Mung Beans




Fuck off vegetarians

With your butternut squashes

Your bland stroganoffez

Pasta bakes

Walnut cakes

Disdain for steaks

Ribs

Pork

Liver

Shanks

Smug moral wanks

Gently coasting

Blindly nut roasting

The Existential Fireman




The existential fireman

Flung freefell from his frown

Passing

Ladders

Hoses

Lies

Himself

Suspended

As a clown

Against The Odds




Glancing the Dodo

Downs Syndrome lives on

Swerving extinction

It's back in vogue



Standing at bus stops

Chequered pants and tank tops

Staring mid distance

Touching the stars

Stage Fright




I died on stage

A comedy of errors

My joie de vivre

Prolapsed

Stealing

The show

Fuji San




Divorce knocks the shit out of you

Divorce knocks that shit out of you

Divorce kicks the shit out of you

Tremors unknown

Blasting

Try to brake in the quake

As you break in the wake

Of it all

Friends revealed

Fieldwork




Squirrel warfare

Looks hard

Washing lines

Peanuts

Lard

Swung by your tail

At sixty five

To and fro

Whiplash




It's as if it never happened

Some curious tale

Curling as a turd

Absurd as a snail

Oncology




All is not lost

On Ward Twenty Four

The trolley with casters

Parked by the door

I can't remember

Our names

Being Black




Sitting in a stairwell

Smoking crack

Contemplating

Being black

Ode to Autumn




The sun shifted

As my father's cancer

Sideways

Flaring his marigolds

Carving an arc

Way across

The vegetable patch

Three Dead Dads




Taylor's dad Dead


Youngy's dad Dead

Fox's dad Dead

Three dead dads


Dead

Dead

Dead

I once had to dial 999




I once had to dial 999

I once had to dial 999

I once had to dial 999

Lifeboat Appeal




I hear that your mum

Hit a wall

In her head

The lifeboat appeal

That jar by her bed

Half empty

Less full

Dead

Mynah Bird




My brother bought a mynah bird

So put it in a cage

Returned it to the pet shop

Because it would not talk

Perhaps

It had nothing to say

You daft cunt

Brian Clough




We'll all join

Brian Clough

Soon enough